juggernaut_lady

Recently 2

2005-03-29T19:03:00.000-08:00

Friendship tastes like choco cavendish, sounds like chit chat over buzzing sounds of Plasa Senayan or a long distance call from a friend’s office.

Love feels like pulling my kite down and wait until the next wind blows. If it’s not the same wind, it’ll be another totally different wind. Sounds like Silje Nergaard’s words coming true or hearing the kokology analysis.

Family feels like peace after getting caught of smoking, totally quit and gained 5 kgs, also feels like learning how to cook. Sounds like my parent’s laugh and my brother nagging funnily. Tastes like Mom-made-breakfast on 6 AM and also tastes like self cooked “real” meal.

I don’t look like a cool guy with breasts and long hair anymore
I look like a chubby little girl trying to be a lady who is an advance in domestic chores, intelligent, faithful, and ALL-THAT.
And still trying...

College tastes like plain water and bitterness of rejection, feels like heartbeat race everytime I enter lecturer’s office on 1,5th Fl, feels like 4 weeks before deadline and STILL haven’t got any.

Brainstorming tastes like friendship, feels like sitting among piles of paper with lack of sleep from last night.

Peace feels like spending money on books I love and reading them in the middle of my hectic nights and or writing on my red diary-wallet and or submitting myself to the GREAT DIVINE POWER. Tastes like friendship plus sushi, sounds like midnight in my neighbourhood.

Stress feels like not understanding what Tomlinson is saying, and not understanding what the hell am i going to say and when. Tastes like 2 glasses of Nescafe Toffeecino at night YET sounds like Peace.

Perhaps working tastes like junk food, smells like designer perfume, feels like living in another planet wearing high heels.
BUT I want it to feel like doing yoga and using Chinese and reading quality books EVERYDAY, smells like the grass after rain shower, feels like backpacking all around the world..

Morning still tastes like water, sounds like peace plus bird chirping, feels and looks like morning sunshine filling my bedroom while I’m preparing myself for Lohita.

Afternoon smells like dust from the 2nd floor, feels like sitting in front of the freakin’ one eyed friend watching tragic romantic Korean love story and finally get the guts to race with time.

Evening sounds like 1 hour freestyle show and or The Roots and or whatever on my playlist. Tastes like Ya Li pear after dinner time, and for the whole day, basically. Feels like the pain on my back after sitting for hours in front of whatever.

Night feels like missing something in life and pouring my heart and hope on the praying mat, and finally being able to be grateful for every single breath inhaled and exhaled. sounds like Sade singin’ By Your Side or Sarah Mc Lachlan’s heart while writing Angel.

Days of War, Nights of Love ?
I now have the War and still need the Love.

But, Hey... I’m at peace.
I’m smiling. Wide. Sincere.

“...There’s people in this world who don’t like me //
but since there are more who love me AND I LOVE MYSELF //
Sometimes it gets tough, it gets tough //
But I can’t give up, can’t give up //
Just take a deep breath, close my eyes //
feel the love and give a smile...”
--Destiny’s Child, “Happy Face”, from the album“Survivor”--

Olahraga !!!

2005-03-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

My butt aches due to excessive jumping and footworks.

That’s my hot news.

Well actually the hot news for me is the fact that I gained 5 kgs during this last month.
Depressing !!
I don’t mind of getting fat.
Really.
Specially I get fat because I stopped smoking completely.

But I do mind of having no pants that fits.

And I do mind of having heavier feeling while doing my walking hobby.
The hobby I’ve been being absent of lately.

Pasti itu.
Akhir2 ini saya jarang meninggalkan rumah.
Tidak olahraga.

Terimakasih pada skripsi yang membuat saya tidur setelah shalat subuh,
hampir tiap hari.
Setelah menghabiskan dua gelas Toffeecino just to keep me awake.

Terimakasih juga pada kelas Yoga yang libur sebulan.
Bukannya nyalahin, but it actully proves that I’m not such a good self motivator afterall.

“Teh Ujie !! Cepetan balik dong !! Betah amat di India...”
(A shout out for my dearest and greatly missed CYT)

SO ?

I ended up in a three times a week aerobic class.

Gosh.

It’s been quite sometime since I do this kinda ‘jumpin-jumpin’ stuff.
And I enjoyed it A LOT. Hueheheheheh.

One room filled with sweating ladies doing moves i never thought i could ever follow.
But I did, and I still do.
Sexy moves, it must be a dancing club if the music is better and the ladies r not sweating like pigs in a slightly better clothing.
Spirited yelling and shouting.
Blushing, hot flushing faces, feeling good about ourselves, enjoying the endorphine storm.
NO MATTER what shape, what color our skin is, how many kids we have (or they, that is)
How many heart breaks we’ve gone through, what kinds of wardrobe we’ll be wearing afterwards.

We’re just ladies in need of workout.

Ada yang pake jilbab. Ada mahasiswa sexy berat. Ada mbak2 yg gawe di bank. Ada ibu2 yg sedang dalam masa menyusui. Ada ibu2 seumur nyokap. Ada yg bener2 overweight. Ada yg geraknya malu2. Ada yg kaya Amazon woman.

It’s a sociological and demographical rainbow, I’d say.

I enjoyed every footstep, everytime my foot being stepped over too. Hehe.
Maklum, tempatnya ga gitu gede tapi isinya penuh.
I enjoyed every sweat drop, every breath inhaled and exhaled.
I just enjoy it.

But I still miss my Yoga class.

Yoga is such ancient wisdom, ancient way of living, instead of just a way of exercise.
Yet I consider is as a more civilized way of doing work out.
Why ? Try. Feel. You’ll know what I mean.
Or check out www.yogaleaf.com
My CYT’s website, that is.

Doing workouts make me feel good about myself.
This must be why I love taking long walks, sedang bete maupun tidak.
The body is such a small yet most complicated nuclear reactor.
For me, it’s a temple besides of my serene spiritual being and sharp mind.

Enjoy every energy produced by your every breath and every food taken.
Love your body, love yourself.

And you’ll see how loveble the rest of the world is.

Banjir !!!!

2005-03-08T01:02:00.000-08:00

Dua bulan ga ngisi blog...
Kemana aja gw ?

Sedang kebanjiran...
Kebanjiran hikmah...
Bener loh... God works in a mysterious way...
Knowing myself, i just LOOOOOOOOOOOVE myself !!!

Somehow gw melihat bahwa semua yang udah pernah gw alami
Mulai memperlihatkan makna, memperlihatkan warna, menyumbangkan tenaga...

Terlalu kompleks untuk dilukiskan dengan kata-kata...

Terlalu indah untuk dibagi...

Hehehe...

DIARY

2005-01-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Tahun baru...
Bentar lagi Imlek, kan taun baru juga...
Abis Imlek langsung Muharram, kan taun baru juga...

Apa yang baru di taun baru ?

Yang jelas... DIARY GW ILANG...
Brengsekkkkkkkk...
Padahal benda itu tidak berbentuk istimewa dan tidak dibawa kemana-mana.
"Cuma" ditinggal ke Jakarta selama 2 minggu
Dan pas balik, ga ada di sekujur rumah gw.
Hhhh...

Buat gw, diary itu penting.
Isinya adalah perjalanan hidup gw.
Gw bisa liat disitu, kapan gw jujur, kapan gw munafik, kapan gw pinter, kapan gw bego...
Harapan yang dipanjatkan, harapan yang runtuh, harapan yang masih ada...
Banyak deh...

Juga untuk mengingat orang2 yang pernah singgah dalam hidup, dan turut memberikan warna.
Baik teman, keluarga, sahabat, pacar, mantan pacar, musuh, orang yg disirikin, orang yang ditaksir...

Akhirnya gw baca2 diaries gw dari sekitar taun 2001.
Dan gw liat perubahan dari diri gw.
Dan gw seneng.
Biarpun malu juga pas baca betapa banyak nama cowo yg ada di dalamnya.
Hueheheheheh...
Nista.

Such a good way to reflect ourselves, writing a diary is...
Untuk introspeksi.
Membaca dan berpikir :
"Ya ampun... gw pernah kaya gini?"
" Hah ? Bego banget sih gw jadi orang..."
dan lain-lain sampai akhirnya berkesimpulan :
"Jangan mengulangi kesalahan yang sama".

Gw tipe orang yg jatuh berkali2 melakukan kesalahan yang sama.
Dan di taun baru ini,
Dengan pertolongan Yang Maha Kuasa dan diary gw....

Semoga gw bisa jadi orang yang lebih baik...
Semoga kita semua bisa jadi orang yang lebih baik.

*AMIN*

Recently

2004-12-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

Friendship tastes like a cup of coffee and A Mild cigarettes, sounds like Riri in a long distance phone call
Love feels like smiling inside a car in the middle of a traffic jam, sounds like anything in the radio
Family feels like home alone from Friday until Monday, sounds like message tone from my cell phone, tastes like last night’s dinner

I look like a cool guy with breasts and long hair

College tastes like Marlboro Lights Menthol, feels like burning down the faculty
Brainstorming tastes like friendship, feels like sitting in a small crowded room filled with cigarette smoke
Peace feels like sitting in the peach toned bedroom of my best straight male friend, tastes like friendship, sounds like emo from his pc
Stress feels like typing on my pc from dusk to dawn, tastes like 3 bottles of water and Marlboro Lights Menthol in the darkness of my cold bedroom
Perhaps working tastes like junk food, smells like designer perfume, feels like living in another planet wearing high heels

Morning tastes like water, sounds like Velvet Revolver
Afternoon smells like carbon monoxyde, feels like asphalt under my sole and sweat under my hooded jacket
Evening sounds like bullshit coming from the tube in my living room or Aesop Rock playing with my mind
Night feels emptily insomniac, even when it sounds like Jill Scott singing “U Got Me” or Silje Nergaard singing “The Waltz”

Days of War, Nights of Love ?
I need the War and the Love.

About Love and Friendship

2004-12-19T23:22:00.000-08:00

So WHAT if i have so many opposite sex friends?
So WHAT if i had crushes on them?
Or they to me?
It’s normal, VERY normal.

So WHAT if friends have crushes ?
We should be able to deal with it, like grown ups do
(Although growing up sux BIG TIME)

Heartaches are normal
But life doesn’t wait until you finish crying
And love knocks on the door of they who never stop trying,
I’d say..

There should be no hating after rejections
There should be no hating after breaking up
And there should be chances given when friends have crushes,
Or in love

I’d like to keep my choice open, mind you?
Upon old friends, new friends
Close friends, not-so-close friends

I’d like to see feelings grow
I’d like to have a friend for life, a partner.
I don’t want to have JUST a lover
I’ve had lovers without friendship, TOO MANY
I’ve had friendships without love, and won’t ever get enough
(We’re talking about lover’s love here, ladies and gentlemen)

I’ve had a lover, just ONE lover with friendship
It didn’t work out
And we stay friends, even until 3 years of breaking up.
See ? People actually do that
People should be GROWING UP

Dalam persahabatan belum tentu ada cinta
Dalam cinta pasti ada persahabatan

Well, if it’s real.
Harusnya ada persahabatan dalam the so-called- L.O.V.E

And as for now..

If I feel it, I feel it/ If I don’t, I don’t/ If it ain’t really real than I probably won’t
(Dead Prez, Bigger Than Hiphop)

Inspirasi

2004-12-17T05:39:00.000-08:00

Ternyata memang benar.
Yang namanya inspirasi bisa datang dari mana saja.
Yang namanya inspirasi bisa datang dan pergi secepat kita bernafas.
Yang namanya inspirasi bisa datang kapan saja dan dimana saja.
Makanya orang2 yang berprofesi seperti penyair, novelis, narrator, suka ga bisa diganggu saat sedang menuangkan inspirasi yang didapat.

Selama ini saya kemana aja ya ?

Hujan deras yang tiba2 turun menghilangkan inspirasi saya
Percakapan dengan seorang sahabat memunculkan inspirasi saya
Musik dari pc sahabat saya tadi memunculkan inspirasi
Musik dari pc yang sama menghilangkan inspirasi tadi
Hujan deras yang tiba2 turun (lagi) menghadirkan inspirasi lagi

Lalu saya putuskan untuk menganggap semuanya sebagai suatu proses
Dan bertekad untuk menyimpan inspirasi2 milik saya dalam otak dan hati

It can't be that hard

...
Well...
Easier said than done
But at least i know that something can be done

Yup,
I feel better now

Pertama Kali

2004-12-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

Akhirnya kesini juga....
Pingin tau rasanya punya diary on - line.
Seperti teman2 saya, seperti musuh yang menjadi teman dalam hati...

Pertama Kali posting, mau nulis apa?
Nulis tentang "Pertama Kali" ?
Sounds good...

Pertama Kali... yang mana ?
Pertama Kali kecanduan ? Kecanduan nikotin, gitu...
Pertama Kali ngerasain kegagalan akademik ? PAIT, anjing...
Pertama Kali "melakukan" ? Wah, entar gw di - ban kaya film BCG...

Tapi kalo udah ada Pertama Kali bukan berarti yang selanjutnya terasa biasa2 aja loh.
Emang biasanya jadi biasa2 aja.
Tapi bisa jadi tidak biasa kalo yang Pertama Kali, dan selanjut2nya sudah ditinggalkan...
Dan dilakukan lagi.
Rasanya akan kembali seperti yang Pertama Kali.

Pertama Kali apa ?

Pertama Kali ngerasain ganja ? Satu kali adalah cukup buat saya.... SUMPAH gw kapok !
Pertama Kali jatuh cinta ? Wah udah lupa rasanya....
Tapi jatuh cinta yang sekarang2 dibanding yang pertama2 terasa sama2 melelahkan, membahagiakan, membuat bodoh...
Cuma bedanya.... apa ya ? Lebih dewasa gitu ?
Alaaaah.. emang dewasa tu apa sih ?
Apa coba ? Anyone ?

Ya pokonya yang namanya Pertama Kali itu menurut saya ngga sakral2 amat-lah...
Mungkin karena buat saya sudah tidak banyak Pertama Kali yang bisa saya rasakan.
Tapi ya itu dia.
Pertama Kali bisa jadi bikin bingung karena belum ngerti.
Exciting karena, well... it's whole new experience.
Disastrous karena tadi, belum ngerti, jadi ada technical foul.
Jadi...
Nikmati saja Pertama Kali kalian.
Nikmati juga yang selanjutnya, dalam semua hal.
Seperti saya menikmaPti ertama Kali saya ngisi blog ini.

Rasanya... bingung, ragu, dan seperti orang yang kemakan iklan...